We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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