I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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