it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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