you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
