the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
