I puked a lego.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
