Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
