used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
