from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im holly from the hills drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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