I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
