I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
