i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
