I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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