i would punch a child for taco bell
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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