tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
