she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
