you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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