If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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