He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
