i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
