so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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