Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
