I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
