imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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