I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize