its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
