Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
