I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
