One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
