did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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