A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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