I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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