Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
