I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
