Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize