Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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