sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Found the puke drawer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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