four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
