So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
