Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
