You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
