im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
