i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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