I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
