Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
