Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
