Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
