if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
