Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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