i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want nice things and good sex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
