Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
