Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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