Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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