If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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