I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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