You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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