This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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