Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
