I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize