How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize