her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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