come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
