i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
