Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
